So here’s the thing. I love movies, and when I say love, I really mean LOVE. My girlfriend loves movies too, the thing is that she just isn’t into anything that is outside the realm of possibility; meaning that she is not into superheroes,dragons,wizards,orcs,elves,aliens or monsters.
Which leaves me with but only a few options;and believe me I’ve tried them all. Let me share with you the secrets that I have uncovered.
First things first. If you and your girlfriend live separately this article does not apply to you. Because once you move in together your geek haven, your Fortress of Solitude(or Man Cave) becomes the Fortress of can we watch the new Rom Com.
And don’t get me wrong, I love me a good Rom Com (looking at you Playing it cool, That awkward moment and 10 things I hate about you) and like my girlfriend I enjoy the comedic genius that is Melissa McCarthy and a classic cheesy Adam Sandler movie. And though this is where we meet in the middle, when all is said and done Fantasy, Sci-Fi and Superhero films are my thing.
So… How do you watch these movies when your partner isn’t as into it as you are? Here follows a few methods I tried and tested.
Method #1 : “The Night Owl” (a.k.a “The Lullaby Method”)
Okay so the first trick is an obvious one and is especially effective (as in my case) when you are a night owl and your partner is a solid sleeper.
Let me drop some wisdom on ya kid: Watch them while she sleeps.
It’s easy enough and it is a slot that I have reserved for films I’ve already shown her and she didn’t like them or films that I know for a fact she won’t like (I mean if she really dislikes blood and gore;maybe save 300 or Kick-Ass for this slot,as I did).This saves you a lot of “wtf are we watching” and “that’s disgusting”comments.
It is also worth mentioning that this method is also referred to as “The Lullaby Method”. Why you ask?
So this one night we were getting in bed deciding what movie to watch and I ended up suggesting Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. She hesitantly agreed and we weren’t even past the intro of the film when I asked her a question about what she thought of the film only to find out she was fast asleep. I then proceeded to put the film on for 3 nights in a row every time we got into bed, every time continuing the film where she last dozed off.
We are currently at the 6th viewing and she hasn’t even made it to the halfway mark.Other films that have had a similar effect were The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and many more.Basically if I said “I really love this movie you have to watch it” it is a 100% sleepy-time, good night, bye-bye guarantee.
I must share this knowledge with a warning; for its effectiveness is so powerful that it even worked in the cinema during the most anticipated film on the geek calendar in 2018; Avengers:Infinity War.
This method does have some drawbacks, explosions or loud noises could wake your partner and if you are truly tired, you’ll have to choose between sleep or a film and more often than not the film ends up in second place.
With all that said. I give this method a 7 out of 10
Method #2 : (Not so) Subtle Hinting (a.k.a The “Don’t beat around the bush method”)
As is usually the case there were a lot of new movies showing at the cinemas and I was very excited to see two of them in particular; Aquaman and Into the Spider-Verse. I knew my girlfriend would not be particularly interested in either of the two and so began my my not so low-key campaign to convince her to go see one, or both, of these films.
I would constantly be talking about the films , watching their trailers where she could very obviously see me and where she could also very obviously see my intense excitement for these movies. I would often talk about the movies with every person we hang out with and more often than I should have, I dropped the old “we should go watch that sometime, I think you’d really like it.” One of her sons is also really into Spider-Man and animated movies and I more often than not attempted the ” We should take him to see the movie, he’d really like it.”-trick as well.
I even used Jason Mamoa’s distractingly attractive shirtlessness to try to lure her into the film, to no avail.
I know what you’re thinking, but hey, don’t judge me. In the end I learned a great lesson; in my campaign to manipulate, hint and nudge her towards the fact that I wanted to watch these films so badly, I never asked her if we could go watch them directly, always using some other method to try to get her to the movies. In the end she took me to see Aquaman and said that had I asked her directly that I wanted to see it so badly, that she’d have gone with me without any problems.
So there you have it,though this method may be effective at planting the idea that you are into a movie, it is most definitively not an effective way to get her to watch it. Ask her directly and you might be surprised.
Apply this method for a week or so and then simply ask her on a movie date.
I rate this method 4 out of 10 and would not recommend it as it is long, tiresome and often ineffective.
Method #3 : Oversell it man. ( a.k.a The “Trojan horse” – Method)
So…nothing else has worked and you find yourself at a moral crossroads. So what do you do? You lie, like the lying bastard that you are.
I mean, I’m not particularly proud of it, but I straight-up told my girlfriend that Ant-Man and the Wasp was a romantic-comedy , and even though that is true to a very small extent, it’s still a superhero-movie.In the end she absolutely could not stop laughing at Michael Peña’s character, Luis, and Paul Rudd’s, Scott Lang. We walked out of the film joking about some of the films best moments. The catch is, if I had told her this is a movie about a guy who can shrink and control ants, she would definitely have said “f*ck no” to the movie, but by selling it for something that she would be interested in she was tricked and in the end, actually enjoyed it. Thus it earns the moniker ” The Trojan Horse” because of it’s deceptive nature. This method is 100% inspired by Deadpool’s extremely funny marketing strategy. Which is also hinted at in the movie.
Even though this is not the most honorable method, it does have quite a good success rate, be warned, after a while she won’t fall for it anymore and start researching movies herself.
But still, until then this method gets an 8 out of 10 and comes highly recommended.
Method #4 : Throw pride aside. BEG , BARGAIN and BRIBE. (a.k.a “The Three B’s”)
There isn’t much to say, when all is said and done and she still hasn’t fallen for any of your Jedi mind tricks then you have to do the unspeakable. BEG.
And I don’t just mean ask her whilst unendingly moaning, I mean offer her something she wants in exchange , promise her that the next movie you watch can be her choice, promise to throw out that shirt she hates that you still haven’t gotten rid of.
Beg until she caves, bribe her with her favorite food or clothes and bargain and make a deal to do something she likes next time. It is often not the worst idea to make a bargain with her so that she feels she is not giving up her time for nothing, but that it will be returned to her in the form of something she enjoys too.
There is absolutely no pride or honor in this method and more often than not the movie isn’t worth it. But when that sweet, sweet geek magic hits the silver screen and your babe isn’t into it. You have to improvise, and even compromise to see your favorite films.
Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. This method can either fail completely or be super effective because of this, and the low levels of dignity involved, I give this method a 5 out of 10
Method #5 : Make her understand why you love these films. (a.k.a “The heart to heart” method.)
Some might reckon this method is manipulative, and to that I shall quote the mighty Heisenberg: ” You’re Goddamn right !”. Though it is not my goal to manipulate her completely, I do feel like having her understand my fascination with the magical and otherworldly would make it easier for her to indulge my geeky ways.
On a real level though, these characters and their stories,when I was a kid, they took me to a new world, when the real world was too much. I would often read comic-books or watch movies and they would always cheer me up. They were magical, every book , every movie and comic. They all taught me something new and took me somewhere I’ve never been. It was magic to the boy I used to be, and to the adult I am now, it still means the world.
They taught me how to dream.They showed me that the weak can be strong and the strong can be weak. The importance of friendship and good morals. How a sense of adventure can brighten up your life. And cheesy as it may be, these stories and characters, they shaped me. They were my teachers and my lessons. And the man I am today, well he learned a lot from Hobbits, Aliens and Superheroes.
Once you can explain it to her like that, she might understand you better as well as support your geeky ways, even if she isn’t one herself.
This method gets a 9 out of 10, it could be seen as manipulative and may not work. But if you do it with sincerity, she’ll know.
That’s all I have for now,
Until next time,
Anco Gouws , your friendly neighbourhood geek with a girl.